I woke up gradually on December 15th. I took my time climbing out of the shallow sleep that had swallowed me throughout the night. I had grown pleasantly accustomed to my infant daughter waking me up with her cries to report that her diaper was wet or that she was hungry. My wife had been quick to attend to Molly this morning. Neither one of us had really been able to get much sleep that night.

Despite my slow wake up, once the significance of today struck me, I jumped out of bed. I was desperate to reach my family that morning. More desperate than my children would be to open their presents in a few days on Christmas morning. I swung open the bedroom door that had been softly closed several hours ago by my wife, and ran like an untamed dog to the dining room to see my adorable children while they were sitting down for breakfast. Molly was sitting in her high chair slowly putting cheerios in her mouth one by one. She had just been cleared to start having cheerios as a first step to solid food a few weeks ago and was still figuring out how they worked. As soon as that little blond goofball saw me rushing towards her she cracked a toothless grin that lit up my heart. Without hesitation, I grabbed her armpits and tickled her as she squealed and squirmed with delight. I had learned over the last few months that this was her prime tickle spot, her belly worked too but nothing beats the armpits. I gave her a big kiss while her squealing subsided and turned to the table where my son sat eating his own bowl of cheerios.

Andy. I couldn’t believe how big Andy had gotten. I was lucky enough to celebrate his 7th birthday at home. We had a nice party for him. It was small. Just the four of us. We took him out for pizza and bought him thirty dollars’ worth of tokens to spend at the arcade. He had a blast, but I think he would have preferred to have his friends there with him. Was that selfish of me? I just wanted everyone to have a great family memory… just in case.

“Howdy partner.” I said reaching across the table with both hands to ruffle his hair. It broke my heart to see tears in his eyes.

“Why do you have to go?” My son wrenched, “It’s not fair, you just got home.” His voice wavered as my stomach dropped.

I hadn’t expected my eye’s strength to be tested so soon, but I was able to keep the tears at bay for the time being, “Hey buddy, we’ve talked about this. The country needs people like me and my friends to go and get rid of bad guys who want to hurt good people, like you, and Molly, and mom.”

“Why can’t someone else do it?”

“Because not everyone knows how.” This was a bad answer to a good question. Our unit was being deployed a lot earlier than we were meant to because the war needed more people and people just weren’t signing up right now. “But I just might have a present for you and your little sister.” I said trying to lighten the mood.

His eyes perked up at this. My wife questioned me with her eyes as she walked into the room holding a cup of coffee for each of us. I hadn’t told her about this. I guess I wanted to show all three of them that this old man still knew a trick or two. “What is it?” Andy asked eagerly. Molly seemed unfazed by the news, but I like to think she knew what was going on.

“Well you know where mommy and daddy are from right?” I asked Andy as I tried to match the sudden enthusiasm that had engulfed him.

“Oklahoome” Andy said. I wasn’t too concerned with the mispronunciation of his homeland.

“That’s right. And you remember what Mommy used to do back in Oklahoma right?”

Andy giggled a little as he answered, “She was a shepherd.” he always laughed in church when the priest would call Jesus a shepherd, he liked that his mom and Jesus did the same job.

“Right you are! So, for your sister I got a little doll that’s just like Mommy.” Our dining room table had a small draw built into the base of it, I crouched down to open it up and pulled out a doll in a big pink and white dress. She was holding a shepherds crook and came with a few little white sheep.

“That doesn’t look like Mommy” Andy said laughing as he looked at the doll.

“Yes it does.” I said looking at my wife over my shoulder. “When I first met Mommy, she was wearing a dress that looked just like that one.”

“Is that true Mommy?” Andy asked looking at his mom.

“What do you think?” My beautiful wife replied.

“What did you get for me dad?” Andy moved on, he was excited to see his own present.

“Well do you remember what I used to do back in Oklahoma?” I asked Andy as he stared at me.

“A cowboy!” He said laughing.

“Absolutely—”

“Ride ‘em cowboy”, he interrupted and we both burst into laughter. His mom was hiding her grin behind the mug of coffee that she was sipping from.

“Right. So, for you I got you a little guy just like me.” From the same draw I pulled the doll that I had hid there the night before. It was a cowboy with a yellow checkerboard shirt and a cow print vest, he was wearing some pretty snazzy cowboy boots too. But my favorite thing about him was the brown cowboy hat that he wore on top of his plastic hair. It was a lot like the one my dad had given me when I turned thirteen and was old enough to really start helping out around his farm. “His name is Woody.” I said, “but I think you could name him whatever you want.”

Andy took the doll into his hands as if he were made of glass. “I like Woody.” He said simply. He seemed fascinated by the doll.

I spent the next few hours with Andy and Woody as we played with all his other toys. His imagination amazed me as he introduced Woody to the group. I could have spent the rest of my life with him in that bedroom playing with dinosaurs and piggy banks and an old squeaky penguin. He had created a whole world that I had never known so intimately before. Then my cab came.

My wife and I had decided long ago that goodbyes at the airport were a bad idea so we said goodbye to each other in the comfort and privacy of our home. I gave Molly a hug and a sloppy kiss that left my face wetter than my tears could have made it. Then I bent down to Andy.

“Now cowboy I need you to listen up okay?” It was impossible to hold back tears now. I swear I would have quit the service right then and there, gone AWAL and faced all the consequences of that action if it meant I could spend just a few more minutes with my family. But I couldn’t do that, there were people depending on me and as much as I would have liked to right at this moment I couldn’t break that commitment I made to those men. “I need you to look after your mom and sister while I’m gone, okay partner?”

“Can Woody help?” He asked with a profound innocence.

“He better help. Otherwise why did I get him?” I gave my son and his new cowboy doll the largest and last hug I would ever give to another human being. “I love you buddy.”

“Love you too dad.” He held me with a grip that didn’t match his size or age.

When I finally broke the hug my face was soaked. I walked to the cab with my duffle slung over my shoulder.

As we drove off base I looked back at the house I had moved my wife from Oklahoma to. Last night while I lay next to the woman I loved for the last time, I promised her that this would be my last tour. I promised that this would be the last time I left her to take care of my children by herself. I promised that when I came back we would both go home, back to Oklahoma. She was excited to get back. She had been a good trouper for the past five years, living on military bases, travelling all across the country with me to wherever I was sent, but now it was time to go home, back to where she belonged.

I wanted to make that move with my wife and children. I wanted to be the one driving that car as they finally moved back home. I wanted to be there the next Christmas when Andy found a dog under the tree. I wanted to be there the day Andy got his license or the day that he graduated High School with a place in college already secured. I lived a good life. I won medals in the service. I was awarded medals for bravery and valor and I was proud of those. I was proud of what I was able to do to help my unit and in turn, help my country. I was proud of those things, but that is nothing compared to the pride I feel when I look at the man my son is becoming.