Throughout the month of December Love Magazine has been releasing a video a day for their advent calendar. These videos feature some of the world’s hottest models doing hottest things. Not all of these videos are  So I personally took on the burden of ranking these thirty one videos in order from worst to best. There’s no need to thank me. I’m just trying to do my part for the greater good.

If you want to watch all the videos in the order that they were released check out this playlist.

Love released a New Years video as well that featured a transgender because they wanted to send a message I guess. I’m going to spare the LGBT community some embarrassment and just pretend that video doesn’t exist. I’d be an asshole if I put it in last where it belongs. On to the rankings…

31- Kendal Jenner

Right off the bat with a member of the Kardashian tribe. There are a couple members of that family that could get away with doing this video. Kendall is not one of them. She’s not hot enough to just lie there for a full minute and do nothing.

30- Joan Smalls

29- Sara Sampaio

She’s hot. Her video is boring.

28- Ciara

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. If Lucy was a hot black model.

27- Kendal Jenner

At least she’s trying I guess. The multiple arms just seem too much like a fetish that I’m not into.

 26-Abbey Clancy

25- Alexa Chung

Alexa is really not that hot. The fact that she’s ranked at 25 is a testament to how hard she works in this video. Ms. Chung is not nearly as Asian as her name implies.

24- Kim Kardashian

Kim makes me sad that she was in front of Alexa. The level of effort put in between those two can’t be compared. Some things just come down to who is hotter (Kim).

23- Elsa Hosk

The ring in her nose makes me want to wave a red flag in front of her to see if she charges.

22- Cami Morrone

21- Doutzen Kroes

20- Stella Maxwell

18- Bella Hadid

Bella was the first video of the advent calendar. She might have ranked differently had she not been the one to set the bar. Always tough to go first.

17- Emily Ratajkowski

*Speechless*

16- Jasmine Sanders

Yabba Dabba Doo

15- Alexandra Ambrosio

She single handedly increased the price of real estate for the buildings across the street by 200%

14- Barbara Palvin

Classic.

13- Karlie Kloss

Literally a hot mess.

12- Rose Bertram

Cheese Puffs seem like a strange move while sunbathing. I feel thirsty for her (pun not intended).

11- Alexis Renn

The whole “Ballet with dinosaurs” thing does not phase me nearly as much as it should. I think the Sugar Plum Fairy herself would get half way there if she saw Alexis Renn wearing that outfit

10- Gigi Hadid

If I had done some Molly before ranking these, this video would be the number 1 hands down.

9- Taylor Hill

I got scared that this was a foot fetish thing at first. It’s not. It’s sexy as hell. And a bonus video never hurt anyone.

8- Stella Maxwell

Almost as good as the actual scene.

7- Hailey Baldwin

Remember what I said about Gigi Hadid in 10th? This is a better version of that.

6- Chrissy Teigan

In addition to being hot as hell, this was mildly funny.

5- Hailey Clauson

Hotter than the original and less awkward because there aren’t fifty people looking at her.

4-Irina Shayk

In Mexico, when they make their bowls by hand, I don’t think it looks like this.

3- Sasha Graham

Ahhhh. There’s nothing like nostalgia.

2- Rita Ora

Say what you will about the Nazis, but when worn correctly, there’s nothing like their clothing.

1- Heidi Klum

She’s 43 years old! Still blowing these little 20 somethings out of the water (again pun was not intended). You can argue semantics on some of the other girls’ place on this list but there was only one real contender for number 1.

 

I was once a young boy who had yet to discover the true wonders that the internet held behind “safe search”. These videos were made for those young boys. They’re no longer than 2 minutes (cause who needs longer than that when you’re that age) and don’t really show any nudity. So on behalf of all the young mind, that have yet to be tainted by the evils of internet pornography thank you Love Magazine.

No need to thank me for spending hours going through all these videos to assess their true quality. It’s hard work but someone has to do it.