NPR- This Sunday, for the first time anyone can remember, Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II missed Christmas church service. But she still spoke to her country through her annual Christmas Broadcast, which was prerecorded.

The queen, who has a bad cold, spoke of being inspired by the medal winners from the U.K. in the Olympic and Paralympic games this year, as well as the doctors, paramedics and crew she met while opening a new base for the East Anglian Air Ambulance

 

It’s no secret that 2016 has been taking out celebrities faster than HIV in the 80’s. There’s the common phrase “they always go in 3’s”, this year they’ve been going in dozens. George Michael just joined the icons that have passed this year like Muhammad Ali, Prince and Kanye West’s self respect. Everyone has gotten news of a celebrity dying that just left them bummed out at some point this year (for me it Alan Rickman, the loss of Hogwart’s unsung hero hurt the Harry Potter community worse than Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them)

A colossal year in celebrity deaths like 2016 will have to go out with a bang. So who is big enough to provide a 2016 worthy bang? Who is going to be the nightcap on this shit year?

This news about the Queen being too sick to go to church has me thinking. The Queen is a worldwide icon, the embodiment of civility, her death is guaranteed to make waves when it comes. She’s older than Tio Salamanca in Breaking Bad, and has been in people’s death pools for the last 20 years, but the old bag is going to die eventually, why not on December 31st 2016 to finish the year appropriately?

I don’t want any more celebrity deaths this year, I just know that if 2016 wants to finish strong it is going to have to take out someone huge. And if we have to give up someone huge, old Lizzy isn’t the worst sacrifice we could make. If you look at the alternatives, people like Paul McCartney, Neil Young, or Bruno Mars (imagine the splash that one would make, “He was so young” “He still had so much potential”), it gets a lot easier to accept that, maybe it’s time for her royalness to vacate her throne.

P.S. It truly was a Christmas miracle that Princess Leia pulled through, I need to see how she deals with the loss of Han next year in episode VIII.

Post Carrie Fisher Death Update: Alright 2016 you giant fucking cock tease. You are the worst kind of douche ever, teasing me like that. Carrie was stable. She was going to pull through. She was going to be a warrior, a real life Princess Leia. Then you went and fucked that up, didn’t you? Know what? I don’t even care anymore. Fuck the queen.

(Find me something that is more cruelly ironic for a Star Wars fan than finding out Leia died while you are in the theater watching Rouge One.)