This is a trial run of what I hope to be my feature of this blog, the weekly movie review. I plan on running through the movies that are in theaters this week (which I will have seen) and giving my recommendations as to whether you should go see the movie and if you should who it is appropriate to see it with. I hope this will help guys out and make sure their date or bros night out is a success. As a further disclaimer: this week is only a trial run to get the format down and figure some shit out about it so I have only really seen one of the movies that I plan to talk about. The other movies are all going to be my opinion of them based on trailors and shit I guess. Next week will be improved.
The choice of movies honestly sucks this week. Overall I would probably suggest sitting this weekend out and saving your money for the weeks to come. Christmas time is normally a pretty good time for movies where we might get a few good flicks but we definitely get some shit with it. So sit tight this weekend and when there is something worth dropping your money on I will give you the nod. If you are going to the movies this week because the weather sucks or you and your girl have some kind of a tradition or whatever the reason, I am here to make sure your not getting fucked by Hollywood.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
So I’m pretty sure that I am going to have to write a whole blog on this one because I’ve seen it and don’t know what to make of it. I’ll keep this one spoiler free though.
If you’re a Harry Potter fan and haven’t seen it yet then you got to get out there and see it. I feel like we are obligated to at least consider it legitimate since it comes straight from the pen of J.K. herself. If you’re not a Harry Potter fan you are probably going to want to take a pass. If you didn’t like Harry, then its probably safe to say you won’t like the love child of Harry and Steve Erwin the crocodile hunter put back in time to 1926.
I warn you, this is a fucking long movie. Its not really one that you want to go to casually. If your girl is a Harry Potter nerd you are going to have to power through this one because she’ll probably eat this up.
I’ve been trying to give a non biased view for this but if you want my full opinion keep an eye out for the aforementioned full blog on it because it is going to be fire.
Allied
If you saw the commercials and thought, “Hey that plot looks kind of familiar” that’s because Brad Pitt already made this movie a couple years ago. Except then they called it Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Angelina Jolie was his costar instead of Marion Cotillard and it wasn’t set in WWII that time either. Minor differences. Love this power move from Brad Pitt. He just filed for divorce from Angelina and he’s already dropping a remake of the movie that they starred in together. What better way to show that you are over a girl than just straight up replacing her. Marion is an alright replacement for Angelina (I was never a big fan of Angelina anyway, she always seemed overrated). I think she is more classically beautiful and seems like less of a bitch than Angelina always came across as.
I liked Mr. and Mrs. Smith though. It was a solid date movie and so I wouldn’t discourage you from seeing this one with the girl. I’d probably say it’s a solid Friday night “dinner and a movie” movie. It’s not going to be the best movie you’ve ever seen but it will pass the time.
Moana
This is a cartoon. Take from that what you will. It looks cute. If you were going to a movie with the family this weekend this is a safe pick if you have younger siblings or kids. I’m going to let you figure out if this is a good date movie. Its really up to the girl. If she’s into this, she’s probably kinda nerdy or a child at heart. In which case that’s awesome, those girls are good fun. If the girl has the maturity level of an 8th grader or above you probably want to shop around a little more.
To be fair, The Rock is in this and its not like he can make a bad movie…
Bad Santa 2
Ahhhhh. I don’t know why this was made. The first one was alright. Like decently funny, not a Christmas classic like Elf by any stretch. Rotten Tomatoes has this one scored at 23% which means that most people will probably love it. If you do decide to go see this abomination, it better be Saturday, you better be with the boys and I would strongly recommend being impaired in some way so as to forget how much you hate what you are looking at. Every year requires a bad Christmas movie that will cease being relevant on December 26th of that year. Last year it was Seth Rogen’s “The Night Before” (That one did actually look funny, but alas I didn’t see it before Dec 26 so I’m pretty sure it’s just gone now) in 2003 “Bad Santa” filled this role and now it is coming back for seconds.
For the sake of fairness: Kathy Bates looks hilarious here.
Those are all the movies that I think it is relevant to mention. Any movies that aren’t here it is assumed that either you shouldn’t see them or you should have already seen them. Use some common sense and figure out the difference.
Until next week
Doc's Blog 