I think this is some serious bull shit. It makes absolutely 0 sense that Black Friday, the day when everyone goes to stores and loses their fucking mind over bargains is encouraged with a day off while the sane and rational and modern, Cyber Monday gets a shitty Monday. Not only a Monday but the fucking Monday after Thanksgiving weekend. Way to destroy the productivity for the rest of the week. When you come off a long weekend that first day is the most important in determining whether this week is going to be a joke or not. If that first day is the biggest day for online sales in the history of the internet, then you might as well say fuck it to the rest of the week and spend it browsing Amazon with a spreadsheet or something opened in another tab ready to go in case your boss walks by.

I really think that the powers that be should consider flipping Black Friday and Cyber Monday. They can figure out what they are going to do about the names because for some reason Black Monday seems way more racist than Black Friday. But if Cyber Monday was the Friday after Thanksgiving I really think business would be a lot better. No one wants to leave their house after an entire day of overeating and football, the best possible recovery from thanksgiving is to spend the entire day on the internet buying things for a bargain so that you can put off facing the world for another day.

As if that’s not great enough, how murderous will people be if the biggest shopping day of the year starts at midnight on a Monday. They can’t be out losing their mind if they have work in the morning. Maybe they go shopping after work instead. Overall it’s probably a much more peaceful experience.

With all the marketing geniuses working for billion dollar companies there is no way that I am the first person to realize the endless benefits of this switcheroo. Know why it hasn’t happened yet? Because they hate the 21st century. They don’t want the internet to control their business because the internet is a fucked up and unpredictable thing, definitely not something that they want their pensions riding on. Part of it also has to do with some sick fetish that these billionaires have where they get off on people literally killing each other to get their hands on their products. Billionaire freaks.